Before I begin, I have to complain about this itchy, hot wrist brace I am wearing because the doctor diagnosed me with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. After every sentence I type I pause to adjust it and persistently tell myself not to take it off. (As for the wrist issues, I will be okay as long as I take my medicine and wear this brace for a month.)
So. Deep breathe.
I am looking for my passion and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do in life. I want to figure out what it is that I truly want for my life. I have many dreams and wishes. You could call me a dreamer. I want big things in life and I expect them to happen. The reality of it all is that I need to figure out what I want most because many of my dreams contradict each other. I need to focus my motivation on only a few of them at a time so some of them can actually come true.
Here are some of my passions, or powerful emotions towards things. For the sake of finding my real passion, I will not limit my thinking to what I (or someone else) will presume to be unattainable.
- I want to become a Foreign Service Officer and work at embassies around the world as a Consular officer.
- I want to be a photographer for a magazine like National Geographic or a photographer for my own big-named, inspiring blog.
- I want to be an excellent interior designer and make every room in my house have the most beautiful atmosphere ever.
- I want to own my own farm with cows, ducks, and honeybees. I want a large garden and a barn full of well taken care of cats. I want a dog or two. I want to make our own amazing organic spices, sauces, and products out of our own raw materials. This hobby will turn into a fairly large business.
- I want to own two homes; one in Michigan and one in western Europe.
- I want to be entirely fluent in French, Spanish, and several other languages.
- I want to be well known for piano and vocal performances, even if only in a few towns because I performed at the local coffee shops.
- I want to be "free" from my emotions and more in tune with my body through many long mediation retreats.
- I want to figure out the meaning of all my dreams. (Physical (?) dreams that I have while asleep.) I intend on finding hidden truths about life in some of them.
Any and all passions I pursue must and will make room for my family's passions too.
My Passions: Traveling, Photography, Blogging/Writing, Interior Design, Animals, Languages, Music, Meditation, Dreams
Looking at my shortened list of passions, I see an odd one: interior design. I have one room in my home that I am absolutely proud of (see) and it passes my scrutinizing test of what I feel a beautiful atmosphere should be like. However, most of my rooms do not pass this test and I daydream of ways it could be better. When I attempt these hypothesized solutions, I fail and my rooms remain ugly. So to say that interior design is a passion does not feel right because I'm not good at it.
Then I look at my other passions again... I realize it isn't what I am good at that matters, it is what I focus on and dream about that matters... duh. Clearly, I am not amazing at photography or writing, nor am I trilingual or a yogi master but I still enjoy these things.
Ramble Ramble Ramble. In three minutes it will be 2:00am. Did I just waste a couple minutes of your life reading about my passions and boggled thoughts? If you are a family or friend, maybe not, but you, unknown reader, are the one I am always worried about when writing on this blog. I wonder how I can gain your attention by posting about my family and personal life. I need to find my passion so I can stop worrying about this. I love sharing stories about my beautiful Miss A and new family, but I have many ambitions.
I will sleep on these thoughts. Good night.