August 23, 2012

I Want To Find My Passion

I haven't wrote about anything in awhile. It's not because I don't want to, rather, it's something along the lines of writer's block combined with an emotional-purpose of life meltdown. I've been feeling guilty about not writing or posting anything spectacular (or semi decent) so I need to ramble about my thoughts a bit to find a new path.

Before I begin, I have to complain about this itchy, hot wrist brace I am wearing because the doctor diagnosed me with Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. After every sentence I type I pause to adjust it and persistently tell myself not to take it off. (As for the wrist issues, I will be okay as long as I take my medicine and wear this brace for a month.)

So. Deep breathe.

I am looking for my passion and trying to figure out what I'm supposed to do in life. I want to figure out what it is that I truly want for my life. I have many dreams and wishes. You could call me a dreamer. I want big things in life and I expect them to happen. The reality of it all is that I need to figure out what I want most because many of my dreams contradict each other. I need to focus my motivation on only a few of them at a time so some of them can actually come true.

Here are some of my passions, or powerful emotions towards things. For the sake of finding my real passion, I will not limit my thinking to what I (or someone else) will presume to be unattainable.

  • I want to become a Foreign Service Officer and work at embassies around the world as a Consular officer. 
  • I want to be a photographer for a magazine like National Geographic or a photographer for my own big-named, inspiring blog. 
  • I want to be an excellent interior designer and make every room in my house have the most beautiful atmosphere ever. 
  • I want to own my own farm with cows, ducks, and honeybees. I want a large garden and a barn full of well taken care of cats. I want a dog or two. I want to make our own amazing organic spices, sauces, and products out of our own raw materials. This hobby will turn into a fairly large business. 
  • I want to own two homes; one in Michigan and one in western Europe. 
  • I want to be entirely fluent in French, Spanish, and several other languages. 
  • I want to be well known for piano and vocal performances, even if only in a few towns because I performed at the local coffee shops. 
  • I want to be "free" from my emotions and more in tune with my body through many long mediation retreats. 
  • I want to figure out the meaning of all my dreams. (Physical (?) dreams that I have while asleep.) I intend on finding hidden truths about life in some of them.

Any and all passions I pursue must and will make room for my family's passions too. 

My Passions: Traveling, Photography, Blogging/Writing, Interior Design, Animals, Languages, Music, Meditation, Dreams

Looking at my shortened list of passions, I see an odd one: interior design. I have one room in my home that I am absolutely proud of (see) and it passes my scrutinizing test of what I feel a beautiful atmosphere should be like. However, most of my rooms do not pass this test and I daydream of ways it could be better. When I attempt these hypothesized solutions, I fail and my rooms remain ugly. So to say that interior design is a passion does not feel right because I'm not good at it. 

Then I look at my other passions again... I realize it isn't what I am good at that matters, it is what I focus on and dream about that matters... duh. Clearly, I am not amazing at photography or writing, nor am I trilingual or a yogi master but I still enjoy these things. 

Ramble Ramble Ramble. In three minutes it will be 2:00am. Did I just waste a couple minutes of your life reading about my passions and boggled thoughts? If you are a family or friend, maybe not, but you, unknown reader, are the one I am always worried about when writing on this blog. I wonder how I can gain your attention by posting about my family and personal life. I need to find my passion so I can stop worrying about this. I love sharing stories about my beautiful Miss A and new family, but I have many ambitions. 

I will sleep on these thoughts. Good night. 

1 comment:

  1. It is my belief that there are very few people in life who have one passion, or even a couple of perfectly matching passions...The world is a crazily big place, both metaphorically and physically speaking, and luckily for us much of it is intriguing. In fact all of it is intriguing, to somebody. You cannot expect to be an expert on anything because you love it. Having passion is how you become an expert. Think about motherhood; there are no awesome moms who have never raised children. You slowly learn to do what is best for your kid because of the adoration, love and passion you have for them. It's a beautiful phenomenon, and it means that, if we work hard , we can become pretty damn good at whatever truly brings us goodness. :)


Thanks for reading!
xx Monica xx

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