January 30, 2012

Are You Spoiling Your Kids ROTTEN?

Picture from kidcrave.com
Of course, I have always wanted to give my kids the luxuries I didn't get as a child. I have plans on making really fun, "adventure" bedrooms. For a girl, I would love to create a castle over top of a princess bed. For the walls, we want to have either a lego or chalkboard wall! (Thank you Pinterest!) I want to have a mini dress-rack with dress up/costume clothes on it. For a boy, (if we don't have a boy, then for the girl!!) I want to make a bed into a tree house in their bedroom. I've seen awesome examples online and it would just be awesome!

Just because I want to give my children some cool things I didn't receive as a child DOES NOT mean I want to raise a spoiled child... Spoiled is one thing but spoiled BRAT is another, and often go hand in hand. Here are some definitions/information I found about spoiled children surfing the web.

Urban Dictionary: A kid who wants everything they see... and they cry and scream their heads off until they get it.

Wikipedia: A spoiled child (also called a spoiled brat) is a child that exhibits behavioral problems from overindulgence by his or her parents. Spoiled children may be described as "overindulged", "grandiose", "narcissistic" or "egocentric-regressed".

Wikipedia: In 1989, Bruce McIntosh coined the term the "spoiled child syndrome".[1] The syndrome is characterized by "excessive, self-centered, and immature behavior". It includes lack of consideration for other people, recurrent temper tantrums, an inability to handle the delay of gratification, demands for having one's own way, obstructiveness, and manipulation.

Happiestbaby.com: Spoiling has consequences that go beyond the immediate trouble of managing an unruly, spoiled child. It sets up patterns that can last a lifetime.
“Probably one of the greatest disadvantages that spoiled children face is the fact that they have not learned to work for something that they really want,” Buttross tells WebMD. “There is no work ethic, no lesson to really strive for something.”
Since spoiled people get what they want through manipulation, they develop “a dysfunctional way of relating to people,” Karp says. “Those habits can take 10 years of therapy to break.”

Chabad.org: (Parent Testimony...result of spoiling) It is ridiculous how much money was spent on them (our children), and they did nothing to deserve it. But worse, they were completely unappreciative and even complained that they didn't like the colors or the accessories that came with some of their gifts. Not only didn't they bother saying thank-you, we were met with eye rolling and smirks.

The only thing positive(??) about spoiling your child that I found is this article, Why You Should Spoil Your Kids By Debbi Miller Gutierrez. It is HILARIOUS. She's obviously joking, stating we should...
  1. Always pick up after them
  2. Never say no
  3. Give them whatever they want
  4. Make no demands of them
  5. Keep tight control of the money
Basically spoiling your child is bad (Duh!) but for some reason some of us parents still want to do it. Maybe they don't even know they are doing it??

Make sure your children do not take things in life for granted. Give them gifts and fun toys when they deserve it, not just because they are bored or begging for it at the store. You don't want to spoil your child because they won't be able to handle life's normal pitfalls. Spoiled children do not outgrow these behaviors because that is how they were raised. They are used to getting their way so they won't be able to succeed despite downfalls. They won't do well with other people because they are used to thinking, ME ME ME all the time.

I'm not saying to not have fun with your kids!! Obviously giving gifts is one of life's little joys. You want to see that huge glimmering smile filled with joy as your child receives a big shiny ball.. or a trampoline! But make sure they are thankful for these presents. You want to raise respectful, unselfish children... don't you? 

Does anyone know any spoiled children? Do they play well with your children? I'd love your thoughts!

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Thanks for reading!
xx Monica xx

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