For some reason the last few days have been a living hell. It doesn't really help that I am recovering from Bronchitis but I seriously might go insane. I can no longer tolerate a fussy baby. I can no longer tolerate a crying baby. I can't tolerate even entertaining my baby. She is taking over my life 200% and I feel like I am suffocating and that there is no escape. She is a beautiful, happy, loving, smiling, perfect baby BUT right now my mommy switch has been involuntarily shut off! What do I do? I can't wait to go to work tomorrow because my head is literally steaming. Everything is making me angry. It's not simple agitation, it's full blown i-want-to-bang-my-head-on-the-floor psychotic anger! I can't handle shaking a rattle and singing today. She has been put to bed at eight o'clock the past two nights [which is about two hours early] because I can't take baby crabbiness anymore.
It doesn't help that Bill has been off on his sleep schedule the past few days either. He is still working third shifts and we had a Christmas party to attend today. I feel like he is either working, exhausted/non-functioning, or sleeping. Today he was so tired he accidentally answered his phone when his work called and was forced to go in early tonight. He's slept a total of six hours in the past 48 hours or longer. He's sleeping now but he will only get a total of five hours. My stress is coming from his job because I don't know how to calm the fussy baby. [IS SHE TEETHING???] My job is not only to take care of the baby, but to make sure she doesn't scream at all and wake Bill up. She has woken him up many times already. He actually got out of bed twice to see what was wrong. I don't know what's wrong! All I know is that I need a break before my mind breaks.
Sorry for venting, but I just realized that I have only been posting positive things about motherhood. [Or at least it feels like I've only been writing about sunshine and rainbows.] In order to be honest and real in my writing, sometimes I need to write about the downside of having a baby. Today I've reached my limit. And not surprisingly... Amelia has woken up already and is pouting/grunting/IDK in her crib! I pray she falls asleep..
Silence again. Thank god.
Anyways, does anyone else get frustrated with their babies? I don't mean to be a mean, heartless mother. I love my baby and do not regret having her. I would not want to live without her because she has changed me in so many unexplainable ways that I couldn't go back to life without children!
If anyone is willing to admit frustrations, what do you do to regain strength again? How do I turn that mommy-switch back on to sunshine, lollipops, and mega-mind strength? lol. Seriously, any advice would be greatly appreciated!